|A mothers thoughts|
Its been along time since Annelie disappeared but the
feelings of sorrow and loss are just as strong today -
if not even stronger. On the outside perhaps it does
not show that much, but deep inside there is a pain
that may never heal.
Why? What happened after you left us that Thursday evening? Where are you?
It is perfectly clear that Annelie did not disappear of her own free will, so someone can answer these questions. Someone who is obviously able to live with this knowledge.
Thursday Sept 18th
When I got home from the shop Annelie was already sitting waiting in the kitchen.
Lasse and Lena came down looking very secretive.
-We know something you don`t. A quick look at Annelie and I understood - it was not theatre tickets that were important this evening. Annelie came to tell us that she was expecting a baby. At last, after five months she became pregnant and since she knew that Lena, her little sister, would be delighted she wanted especially to tell her.
Which of the two sisters were happiest just then is hard to say. They were both radiant with joy. Lena just had to run and tell her best friend that she was going to be an aunt and next day her school teacher was let in on the secret.
Annelie was really looking forward to Summer. The baby was to be born at the end of May. Her friend and sister-in-law had come home from Rhodes to get married and have her baby in February. They and the two little cousins would have the whole Summer to enjoy together on the lawn.
Friday Sept 19th 1997
-Annelie is missing!!??
Lasse and Lena came up and collected me at the riding centre.
-Annelies partner rang. Annelie is missing. She was not at home when he came from work. The car was there but no Annelie. He has contacted all possible friends but she is nowhere to be found.
We hurried out to Hässleby and when I heard that she had not been to work either I told her partner to contact the police.
-This is not right. Something has happened! You must ring the police.
After this there followed a dreadful time. Police, the public, dogs, helicopters, all looking for Annelie. One was torn between hope and despair. Once I saw from the window how the helicopter stood still in the air, fixed on a point on the ground. The feelings that ran through me just then cannot be described in words. Even to this day the sound of a helicopter makes me feel ill. Each time I get the thought - is it Annelie they are looking for? Have they found her?
How does one manage to live with this?
We settled back to work, school and everyday life as soon as we could, but it was a desperate time. It was as if we had to learn everything from scratch again. Just to buy a litre of milk in the shop required an enormous effort.
-Can I never be an aunt now? -Have you even searched in Kalmar?
How does one respond to these questions from a little child. How does one comfort a little girl hiding in a corner of the school playground, tears slowly running, who says:
-I want my sister back.
How does one explain that she can never again see her beloved sister, that she can never ever be an aunt .
Together and with the help of school and good friends we have struggled onwards little by little. On the surface perhaps everything seems normal but deep inside it hurts.
Annelie is always on our thoughts - morning, noon and night. Often, several times a week the sorrow just becomes too much, it is as if the heart is about to explode and the tears just start to flow.
We continue to search. Lasse has been out almost every weekend looking. Good friends and people we dont even know help us to search.
We can not get Annelie back, but let us at least find her and give her a proper burial.